Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just tell him i said nine months
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
