Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
