Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
