Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
