Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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