We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
