At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
