haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
