Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
