WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
