Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
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at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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