Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
