Michael Bay diarrhea
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
