Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
