Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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