Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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