Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
