He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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