it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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