I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
