some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
