Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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