Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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