Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
