I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
