He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
