she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
