never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize