I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
