Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
