I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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