So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
