Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
