Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
