considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
