I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
