IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
