just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
