At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
