I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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