Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize