you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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