I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
People in love make me want to vomit
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You pole danced in your parka.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
