Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize