Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
