Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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