this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
