I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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