im drinking this country out of the recession.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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