Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
