I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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