just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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