Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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