do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
