His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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