I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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