eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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