nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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