Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
