I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
