Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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