how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
