Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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