Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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