For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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