Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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