Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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