I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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