did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
