Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
