everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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