Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
